I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
