you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
