What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
