I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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