HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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