Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
