escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
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