that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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