Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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