am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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