If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
