you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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