Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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