Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
