Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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