are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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