Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I got chris browned last night
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
