Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
