I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
