I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
