I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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