I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
