You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
