and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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