just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
too bad you live with your parents still
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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