Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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