you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
