how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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