A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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