I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
