I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
