So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
