i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
