I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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