True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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