i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
