Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
