she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
