I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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