ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
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