I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
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I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
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You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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