I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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