I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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