They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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