She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
