We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
