does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
