i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
