We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
