Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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