btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
