All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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