The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
