at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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