May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
