Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
