I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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