your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
