I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
where does the pee come out of this thing
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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