Got a toothbrush?
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
