You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
