Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
