Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
