What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
