brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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