so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
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his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
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I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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