I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
