Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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