Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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