Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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