all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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