The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
