i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
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Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
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During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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